The wishful CIO – the further adventures of Bob
Like a phoenix, Bob has risen from the ashes of his once fast-tracked career. He is pursuing a green agenda as he toils to rebuild and recover the tattered shreds of his dignity and career.
Just the other day he was reviewing progress with the contractors assembling his new “green” datacentre when a clumsy fitter misjudged his distance and broke through a false wall to reveal a hitherto unknown compartment. Upon inspection this proved to contain a dilapidated rack with a single ancient server in situ.
Bob was astonished to find this secret place at the very heart of his high-tech core and found his one good eye drawn to the ”Netware 286 Rocks” stickers emblazoned across the faceplate. Then Bob noticed an even more amazing thing - the green light was on and flickering in the half gloom. Intrigued and remembering the legends of his early career he stumbled forward through the shattered panel, ignoring the shop steward’s cries of “asbestos, asbestos”, and with trembling fingers stroked out the old familiar key combinations on the dirt encrusted keyboard.
Nothing happened…. Of course it bl**dy didn’t, this isn’t a fairy tale.
In the peripheral vision of his injured eye (damaged in an unfortunate solvent accident, cleaning Wite-Out off the HR director’s monitor) he spotted the unmistakable shape of a very early Motorola mobile phone, the size of several house bricks. Bizarrely it began to ring and in a state of nervous apprehension Bob reached down and gingerly released the handset, lifting it to his ear.
A disembodied voice spoke up and said: “Hullo Bob, this is the internet speaking. You have discovered the secrets of the first node and to reward you I will gather together my enormous commercial power and the might of my connected brain, to grant you one wish. But be quick -. the battery life on these things is appalling.”
A lesser CIO than Bob would have been struck dumb at this point but hardened by years of opportunistic budget negotiations with a financially astute - tight-fisted – chief executive, he responded immediately: “ Build me a bypass that will allow me to travel all the way from my home in Slough to the corporate headquarters in Reading. Thus, allow me to avoid the dreadful motorway commute and enable me to lie in of a morning listening to career management podcasts.”
The phoned buzzed with static for a minute and the internet replied: “Two things, Bob. Firstly, your request is overtly materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required and the churning up of the shrinking countryside of the Thames Valley. Think of the concrete and steel it would take. It will nearly exhaust several natural resources and pollute the environment. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for such selfish and damaging things given your newfound environmental awareness.”
The internet continued: “Second, you are failing to take into account Moore’s less well known 8th Law of Bandwidth and Capacity which states that no matter how much you increase capacity and/or space, a bunch of buffoons will very quickly clog it up with all sorts of rubbish. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind and exemplify my ethical conscience and social responsibility.”
Bob thought about it for a long time while the internet became increasingly agitated. Finally, he said: “OK - I’d like you to explain the benefits and logic of Microsoft’s European pricing policy for upgrading to Windows 7 at this point in the global financial meltdown .”
The internet replied: “You want two lanes or four lanes on that bypass?”



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